George A. Sprecace M.D., J.D., F.A.C.P. and Allergy Associates of New London, P.C.
www.asthma-drsprecace.com


Misc. Jokes

DEAD MAN

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.  She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.  I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

The husband replied, “Your eyesight's good.”

 

WISEACRE #1

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.  She asked a stock boy, '”Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma'am, they’re dead.”



WISEACRE #2
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.  “I've been waiting for you all day,” the officer said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. 



WISEACRE #3

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that reads:  “ Low Bridge Ahead.”  Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it.  Cars are backed up for miles. 

Finally a police car comes up.  The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”

The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.”

 

CHAOS—NO JOKE

There's a surgeon, an architect and an economist. 

The surgeon said, “Look, we're the most important.  God's a surgeon because the very first thing God did was to extract Eve from Adam's rib.” 

The architect said, “No, wait a minute, God is an architect. God made the world in seven days out of chaos.” 

The economist smiled, “And who made the chaos?”

 

HISTORY LESSON

Do you know what happened 158 years ago last fall... back in 1850?

California became a state.  The people had no electricity.  The state had no money.  Almost everyone spoke Spanish.  There were gunfights in the streets.
                
So basically nothing has changed except the women had real boobs and the men didn't hold hands.

 

BAROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM

It's half vanilla, half chocolate, surrounded by fruits and nuts.

 

THE FINAL NUMBERS ARE IN FROM THE INAUGURATION: 

1,672,328 Obama supporters attended the ceremony.  Only 9 had to miss work.



THE BRIEFING

The Dept Of Defense briefed the president this morning, they told OBAMA that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq .  

To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obamaʼs face.  Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.  

Finally, he composed himself=2 0and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?' 



MIRACLE ON THE HUDSON

 
I never thought I would enjoy watching the news about an airplane crash.  But the Lord works in mysterious ways, and with a sense of humor!
 
First:    No one died!
Second: The passengers standing on the wing appeared to be walking on water!
Third:    It removed Obama from the headlines for 24 hours!
Fourth:  No one in the government could take credit for the miracle!
and Fifth: It wasn't George Bush's fault!


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