Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you
get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on
this bike She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said,
"Hey,here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. - Hi George!
Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The
engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because the
passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done."

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket,smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried
out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you
and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at
it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you
for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a
talking frog, now that's cool."